Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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