I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
