Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.