shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no, he came in my armpit
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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