She said her name was "party"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
