Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

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(502): View more from Kentucky

We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart

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(210): View more from Texas

Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?

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