Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived