i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex