considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.