goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
