I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.