I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
