There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
