I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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