Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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