I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
