Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
