the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
