that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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