Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
