ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just pee around me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
