Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
