were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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