Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
