im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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