Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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