Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
vagina is talking i cant
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
