i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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