Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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