You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
