I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
