I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
