Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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