dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Say something about gay babies.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
