Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
