for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
