it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
