either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
