Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
