I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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