The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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