Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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