ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
