Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
