I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
