If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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