We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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