I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
