I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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