jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
