You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
