Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my shit smells like andre
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
