I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
