There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
