life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize