that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
