Jerry, you need to find god
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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