After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
