Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
