omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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