You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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