Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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