Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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