i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
