Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
