I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
