peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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