Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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