This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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