I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
