so explain again why im purple
no
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
