90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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