Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every concussion has its silver lining
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
