I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
