sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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